Holding My Humanity

The start of a new year always symbolizes a clean slate—a fresh beginning. Each year tells a different story than the one before it. With every passing year, I hope to add more wisdom, more patience, and a deeper understanding of myself.

Over the last few years, I’ve grown more introspective than ever. Maybe it’s the intense anger that seems to permeate society. Perhaps it’s the consistent disrespect and dehumanization woven into everyday life. Or the mass shootings that occur with such frequency they’ve become disturbingly normalized. Living with all of this left me with no choice but to retreat inward. I could no longer trust the outside world. It became frightening and grotesque. The expectation to engage with all of this while wearing a smile feels psychopathic.

My move to Thailand has given me the space to see myself in ways I couldn’t before. I’ve realized that simply being a person—without performance, without explanation—offers a profound sense of comfort and freedom. It has allowed me to explore myself beyond the conditioning I’ve internalized.

There is the conditioning of being a Black American woman—the concept.

There is the conditioning of being Mysti—the person.

And then there is the enmeshment of the two, and the slow, honest work of discovering who I truly am beneath it all.

I’ve also come to understand why so many people resist these conversations. They require a radical shift in how we see the world—and in how we see ourselves within it. Once awareness arrives, the excuse of not knowing disappears. I can’t say I didn’t know—because now, I do.

Lately, I find myself wanting to escape more and more. And I’ll admit—it’s something I sometimes look forward to. A TV series. A two-hour doom scroll. I notice how much I enjoy where it takes me, because part of me doesn’t want to accept what’s happening in my reality.

Grounding myself in the present requires a significant amount of effort. Grounding demands honesty, integrity, compassion, and truth. It’s easy to see how that becomes challenging in the society we live in.

Still, I remain committed to my practice. Not because I expect a reward—but because it allows me to be present. I’m learning that all I can truly do is be here, now, and offer the best of myself in each moment.

There are endless distractions that drain our energy and pull us away from what actually matters. Taking agency over ourselves is essential. We are the captains of our minds and hearts. We choose how we steer our lives and which direction feels most aligned with our journey. The clarity that comes from presence—from simply being—offers a peace and faith that surpasses anything external.

What helps you stay connected to your humanity right now?